RNGesus I AM A FLOATING MONKEY WHO REALLY LIKE TO EAT PASTACHIOS. ONE DAY, MR. !REDACTED! CAME TO VISIT ME, AND HE TOLD ME ABOUT THE LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE.. IT MADE MY HEART MELT. Thanks be to #ffxiv

RNGesus Fuckin' Square, fuckin' 3.25, fuckin' monday night, fuckin' no patch notes yet, fuckin' lore cap, fuckin' won't let me play during maint, fuckin' Yoshi-P, fuckin' PVP materia, fuckin' cross class system, where the fuck is the fuckin' subjob system ya' fucktards, fuckin' final fucktasy fuckteen #ffxiv

RNGesus and Yshtola are now friends.

Alistaire @RNGesus saw this this morning and you came to mind. Enjoy. https://i.imgur.com/BshKlPl.jpg #ffxi #ffxiv #wow

RNGesus There was once a blind man in the street. "RNGesus PLS" he says. I took out a bottle of Jameson, and took several swigs. "Hic"i replied to him in earnest."I need to see again."I proceeded to drop trow and face him, rear first, continuing to swig. I then passed some gas. "Sixty-pfft-Nine" my buttox managed to sputter. The man could miraculously see again, and was quite startled by the full moon he was splayed. #ffxiv

RNGesus There once was a man named Tanaka. Rng God contacted him via tell. "Lol yo u need 2 build a airship and get all ur friends cause imma send a meteor to blow ur planet up!" So, Tanaka gathered 2 of each job in preperation for the [first] meteor to hit Eorzea. Unfortunately, Tanaka's dumb ass gathered gay RDM, BLU, BST, SAM, THF, and DNC jobs, and they had no offspring to fill the world post RNG God's shenanigans #ffxiv

RNGesus My disciples and I were sailing a boat. And the waters were really a-bad. A wild man name Mozus appeared! "Yo RN to the Gsus" said he, with eyes sparkling. "Sorry I'm late to the party." He parted the waters, and a giant Kraken came, whom showered us with Marijuana. "What will we do with all this green?" asked Guy. I promptly took out my bong and lighter. And we began to smoke dat dank dope. The word of RNG #ffxiv

RNGesus and Henley are now friends.

RNGesus I was walking along the beach. There, my younger adopted cousin, Juan the Baptist stood. "Come cousin" he said, tipping his Sombrero and eating a burrito. I came. He had a vat of tequila and he dunked me in it. "You shall now be reborn on the name of RNG." He tequila'd the rest of my party, and we all got plastered and mad cray cray. And Juan joined my party. #ffxiv

RNGesus and Jeane Suikoden are now friends.

RNGesus and Vulasuw are now friends.

RNGesus and Tuna are now friends.

RNGesus Back in 2.0, me and my party were chilling in Mor Donuts and there was no food to be found. "お腹が空きました" sighed Yoshi P. "But we only have 2 steaks! And 5 bags of nachos" groaned Guy. "Bring me them." I spoke. I placed my hands over the offerings and rolled /random. 69! "George, place these on your grill." He grilled the meal and we passed the food around Mor Dona. And there was enough to go around 69fold. #ffxiv

RNGesus I was walking along the beach. There I saw two chefs; their names were Guy Fieri and a black man named George Foreman. "Brothers" I says, extending my arms towards them. "Come with me, for I am a Shepard and you are my sheep like a Gambler with his dice." "Do you have dynamite food?" says Guy. "You will have all the food you crave you two fatstids." says I. "Dynamite" says Guy. And they both joined my party. #ffxiv